Dilemma: Helping a Friend Out

A have a big dilemma and I’m conflicted as to what to do in such a situation.

One of my really close friends is back in town with her 6 month baby and jerk boyfriend. She is in a dire situation. She is back in town to finish her last semester in college – psychology. She dropped out because she me her current boyfriend, they got in some trouble that led to jail time, and then, she got pregnant. Crazy because we were all going to school at the time and generally trying to be responsible adults.


All my friends, including myself, have begged her to consider other options. Her boyfriend doesn’t work, he has “mental” problems (I’m not sure what this means), and doesn’t even help out with the baby. I’m pretty sure all he does is play video games. So I have made comments saying why don’t you leave him.

She’s currently in a situation where she doesn’t have enough money. However, I’m not considering lending money. We have all been through that path before and it just doesn’t work out well. She’s working a minimum wage job, going back to school, and trying to support the trio. I don’t know what’s going on other than she can’t get an apartment until another couple of weeks due to the jail problems on her record. I have offered before for her to stay with us for a short time, but we will not allow the boyfriend to stay with us. He has a record, a couple of felonies for theft, and overall don’t want someone hanging around the house all day doing god know what while we work. Other friends have put the same conditions. She can stay with them but without him. She won’t leave him.

So, there’s that. She has asked me to babysit her daughter. This is even harder because I have to rearrange my schedule and most of the time my schedule does not fit her hours. But it’s also really, really hard to watch her kid while she’s working and know the baby daddy is playing video games wherever they are staying. I don’t think he has ever changed a diaper.

I feel guilty for not helping more, but I don’t want to enable her. But she is a close friend. We had a really great friendship before she started going down this path. She is so kind and great. If only she would just leave this guy. It makes no sense to me.

What about karma? Is this one of those situations?

What do you do in this situation as a friend?

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  • This is a very tough situation. If there is some way you can help your friend without her moron boyfriend getting in the way, then i say go for it. You have to think about your own safety as well. Is this guy violent? Does he have jealousy issues? You certainly don’t want to be on that wrong end if he does.
    Natalie recently posted…Charity Begins At HomeMy Profile

  • This is such a tricky situation… You want to be a good friend, and at the same time you don’t want to encourage her bad decisions. I think your best bet is to really think about what you are willing to offer her and tell her that – nothing more and nothing less. If she knows what to expect of you, it may make the whole situation a little clearer. Definitely a tough situation to be in…
    Lisa E. @ Lisa vs. the Loans recently posted…July 2014 Net Worth UpdateMy Profile

  • This is a hard situation. If she won’t take up offers to live somewhere without him, you might consider seeing if there is a way you can help her to seek help from a social worker or other help professional. They would be in a much better position to see your friend’s situation in a non-biased manner and would have the resources to get her help with childcare/housing/etc. Not to mention that it sounds like your friend might have her own emotional issues that need to be worked out, if she’s staying with this guy…
    Ms. LoL recently posted…I am tired of being poorMy Profile

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