I’ll Never Be A Homemaker
This post is going to be controversial. While I don’t have anything against homemakers, I have a hard time understand why anybody would want to be a homemaker. There I said it. I will probably alienate a part of my reader base, but I just don’t get it.
Everyone seems to be having babies left and right. One of my college friends is having a baby. My sister in law dreams of being married and having kids. People at work get pregnant every minute. My youngest uncle, who is 10 years older than me, and his wife, who is only 6 years older than me, just had their second baby. Another cousin addition to the family! My mom is the oldest, and thus, I have a very young uncle. My uncle’s wife has been a homemaker since she married at age 24. First of all, unlike my other aunts, I don’t really see her as an older figure. To me she is from my generation since we are only a few years apart. Hmm..I’m also only 1.3 years away from 24. When I first met her, I couldn’t relate to her joy of being a mom and wife; never wanting to be fulfilled professionally. She actually said she was glad she waited. I wanted to say “Girl, waiting until 24 to have a baby is not waiting!!!” I held my tongue.
This tends to be a very Hispanic trend. A girl is raised to worship motherhood and marriage, instead of fostering a career. Women who focus on their careers, choose to have kids later or if any, are looked down upon. While this is a generalization, and doesn’t mean everybody fits the stereotype, I see it more often than not. The husband is there to be a father and a main provider. Every time I meet someone and say I’m married, people immediately ask so when are the kids coming, especially my hispanic family. I always think uhhh…wth?
I’m not a hypocrite! I actually got married quite young, 21. I still consider myself a kid. But I’m educated, have almost 3 degrees, and a fresh career. I’m a kid in a suit.
My mom grew up under this umbrella, and expected a rose pink reality. It didn’t happen to her due to certain rather not disclose circumstances, and I think she was, still is, unprepared to deal with the harsh reality. You see, homemakers, concentrate on their home, kids, and husband, and fail to develop their careers. In essence, this makes them financially dependent on their spouse.
I have a wonderful partnership with my husband, but I don’t think I could ever be financially dependent on him for a long period of time. During our first year of marriage, I was technically unemployed. I went to graduate school full time, and did not work. While I actually supported us 50% of the way through my scholarships and stipends, it did not seem like I was because I wasn’t actually working and bringing in a steady paycheck. Perception is everything Since I didn’t work, I was expected to do most of the housework and cooking. I quickly realized I did not enjoy doing any homemaker duties and did not like being so financially dependent. I like pulling my own weight and bragging about how I also bring home a paycheck. Maybe I’m biased, but I never ever want to be told I depend on him financially. I believe a partnership is 50/50. Thus, now we are both working and share household responsibilities mostly equally.
I’m a true believer in equality. While I’m not saying homemakers are not equal, I know moms work extremely hard taking care of the family and the home. Believe me I wouldn’t want the job! I have nannied before and just couldn’t do it full time.
I can’t leave my career to stay at home for years and years. It’s impossible to become an executive if you stay at home with your kids. While I am not power hungry enough to have no life, I know I want to be a top level executive, and right now no top level executives have ever taken off to stay at home. Nor do I want to.
Honestly, there are time I’m jealous of women who truly love being a homemaker. I see my friends and family post awesome pictures of their kids and daily activities, and I start wondering. Actually, has anybody noticed all parents only post the good, rosy pictures? What about the times you want to runaway? Nobody every talks about those times and I know they exist! Are there moms who actually love their kids that much because according to my Facebook I think there are. Maybe I’m too pragmatic?
My husband and I have discussed this issue many a times, and he is the one who actually wants to be the stay at home dad. I am so NOT against his desire when we have kids. I’m actually so glad I found someone who doesn’t care about my weak motherly & wifely instincts.
I want to be the badass mom who takes her kid to work
I’ll never stop working. This doesn’t mean I will continue to work for the man. Maybe I’ll become an independent consultant or own my own business, but I will always want to work. I receive great satisfaction from working and being a member of society. To me taking care kids and my home would not meet my aspirations. I need a greater purpose in life. While many of say working in the corporate world is not exactly the purposeful life, I will counter and say I am just starting out. I want to do so many good things in the world that go beyond my fragmented little world. Yes, of course, my family is my priority, but they are always my priority. There is a greater purpose in life, and I plan to fulfill it.