Issues with Marital Finances
Here is the background:
My Mistake: I have been saving money on the side to give to my mom. The money I’m withdrawing is from my baby sitting side hustle. I have always made it clear to my husband that I want to help my family. I, also, pay about $100 worth of bills every month of my parents. I did not explicitly made it clear to my husband, since I am the one who manages the finances.
His Mistake: He found out I was saving money on the side and does not want to include his side hustle money in the main money pot. In addition, he is taking about 10% of his paycheck and not depositing it. His figures it’s fair because I’m basically doing the same thing.
Even though I have been trying to treat his and my money as our money, we are not acting like that. One, I bring in 3x as much money as he does before the side hustle. Thus, I am technically contributing more to the main household pot. However, I do not want to be like this. Sigh My parents have money issues and I still remember the fights…oh wait a minute, they still include me in the fights and I’m 22.
My Family: I come from a not so well of family, and have always wanted to help them. My husband comes from a well off family and doesn’t think it’s the kids’ responsibility to take care of the parents. Furthermore, the relationship between my husband and my family is significantly strained because of cultural differences and my parents’ controlling manner. While I do acknowledged my parents controlling manner, I still want to help them. I don’t want to be a bad daughter.
- Split everything 50/50 and save the rest in our separate accounts. While this would be the most beneficial to me, my husband would barely make 50% of the expenses with his salary. Furthermore, at the moment, our savings account would never grow because he could never match the money I put in. Something I do not want to do because it divides the household.
- Deposit everything into our account and figure out how much we can give my mom every month or not give if it were up to my husband. We could each give each other a cash allowance. Potential problems I see already. First, my husband doesn’t deposit his entire paycheck. Mine is directly deposited into the account. His isn’t. Second, he works at a supplement store for more money. The stuff he buys there is deducted out of his second income, and he buys a lot of supplements. So, already, he is giving himself an allowance.
Reasons Why I Want to Re Look At Our Finances:
- I have been feeling pretty lonely managing the finances. It has been months since he had even looked at our bank account. He has left all the decisions to me. This puts a lot of stress on me to figure out how much we are going to spend, save, etc. He doesn’t share these dreams/goals with me. I want us to save $20K by the end of the year and start a ROTH IRA for one of us. Problem? I have mentioned these goals, but he is not on board with me. He just lets me figure it out. My dilemma? I am making our decisions by myself. Second, he wants to do things that may not be in our budget. Our credit card has been crazy out of control because we are both charging stuff.
- I don’t want to mention money because every time I do, he thinks I am telling him he is not making enough money. I don’t even care about that. There never seems to be a right time. When I do mention it and share my feelings, he gets defensive. Sigh, all I want to do is talk about our finances.
- I want to do our honeymoon in the next two years. But we have to plan and prepare for it. To this point, he wants me to plan it all. I don’t want to.
I asked him this morning that I wanted to re look at our finances for several reasons. I did mention that he had been keeping money and I had been keeping money as well. However, he is now unhappy and is on the defensive side. He’s thinking: what’s the incentive for him to save money and be frugal when I want to share it with my family? I’m thinking: I worked my butt off, still am working my butt off so I can help us and my family a little bit.
I’m sorry to throw this out there and make it a huge post. I just need to think before talking to him tonight. I don’t want to end up in a fight because that’s not productive. My end goal is to establish a plan where we both are active in managing our finances and life.
Any advice or thoughts???